Simple mornings

I love spending time with my girls. As much as I love sleeping in, I love being the first to see their sweet faces in the morning even more.

They're fickle waker-uppers. I never know if they'll greet me with a big smile (Ella: "Hi Mommy! My dipee wet!" or "Moommmmmy......boo, hoo, hoo [frowny face]." Kate either cries like she's a bit delirious or is standing there, holding her mousy under one arm, smiling ear to ear.)

I love changing their diapers in the morning. Really, I do. I actually like it. Something about the tenderness of it all. That I get to start my day by taking care of one of their very simple needs.

I love that Kate always points to her birdie mobile....wants to greet the birdies before we leave her room. Ella ALWAYS says "I want my Pooh!" and insists SHE personally be the one to grab her poodle from her bed before we go downstairs for breakfast.

Walking down the stairs in the morning is always a challenge on those days they wake up at the same time. I feel like I'm making poor Ella grow up too quickly if I don't carry her down. I feel like I'm favoring Ella if I make Kate crawl down the steps on her belly. And I feel like I'm risking our lives if I carry them both down the stairs.

But we manage to get through it.



I love cutting up berries for Kate. Strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, cherries. She loves them. And she picks them up with her little finger and puts them in her mouth, making an audible "humph" with each bite. Ella is addicted to waffles with syrup and will rarely accept anything else for her first meal.

I make coffee, which Ella calls "Mommy Coffee." "You makin' yo Mommy Coffee, Mommy?" she asks. "Yes I am, Ella Bella." I reply. "It's reaaaaaaaaly hooooot!" she exclaims.

We usually spend some time in the play room, The Today Show playing in the background. On these beautiful spring and summer days, I try to get them upstairs, dressed and out the door to the park as early as we can.

We pass the seminary school at the corner, and I tell Ella to say hello to her castle. When we arrive at the park, Ella runs to all her familiar favorite places as Kate tries to catch up. I could stay and watch them forever, but Kate nap time usually requires us to leave within an hour or so.





We return to the house and Kate usually takes her nap; and the morning's over.

I sometimes think I wish mornings could be like this forever. When my girls are all mine; when I don't have to share them with school or friends or boyfriends. When crabby or happy, all they want when they awake is to see my face greet them. When they both clamour at my knees, imploring me to carry them down the stairs. When we all sit in the kitchen and happily eat breakfast together as we start the day. When playing at the park is a familiar but exciting adventure that they never tire of.

I love our simple mornings. Love them to my core.

Grandma

It was one year ago that I was sitting in a hotel room in Chicago with Chris and the girls, having just finished swimming with the girls in the hotel pool. We were getting ready to go to a family wedding when my cell phone rang. My phone is never charged and I rarely keep it with me if I'm with Chris and the girls. But it was charged, it rang, and I heard it. So I answered.



It was my stepdad, calling from the hospital, telling me that my mom was being rushed in for triple bypass open heart surgery. My world stopped for a moment. As he was talking, I just started throwing clothes, anything I could find, into our suitcases. I didn't care that we had just driven 8 hours from Columbus to Chicago the night before. I knew I had no option but to get in the car and drive to where my mom was, right at that moment.

That ride home was awful. Wondering if she'd make it through the surgery. Imagining what my life would be like without her. Imagining who, on this entire earth, would ever love my girls like she does. Wondering if they'd have to grow up just hearing about how much she loved them, how she doted on them....instead of getting to experience it first hand.

I would cry in fits and starts, the entire ride from Chicago to Youngstown. 12 hours of misery, wanting nothing more than to just see her face and hold her hand and remind her that she had to try really, really hard to stay with us. Because I'm 35 years old and absolutely not ready to live life without her.

She made it through and remains the best grandma ever. It's like Christmas every time she visits, which is at least twice a month.....she brings all of the girls' favorite foods, at least two new outfits a piece, and a ridiculous number of toys. She actively plays with the girls, and caters to their every request, from the moment they awake til the moment they go to sleep. And I mean this literally. She insists I wake her up if I hear the girls wake up first. She wants to be the one to 'get' to change their morning diaper, make them animal-shaped pancakes, and get their morning hugs.



I am so grateful to have had her as my mom. More grateful that my girls get to have her as a grandmother. And I pray to God that He lets her stay with us for decades to come. Being able to share my girls with her; and having the gift of seeing them through her eyes, amplifies my love for them in a way I can't explain.

Kate's First Birthday

I love every minute of planning the girls' birthdays.

I start thinking about them months in advance. I lament over having to choose just one theme. Hello Kitty? Alice in Wonderland? No, no, no. Cupcakes? Perfect for my sweet and simple Kate!








I love all the girly girl details of a little person's birthday. Tulle and happy birthday signs and cupcakes and candy. I wonder if, when the girls look back at their birthday pictures, they'll realize how much I loved every minute of planning them. I wonder if they'll know how the planning of every little detail is a small way for me to show them just how blessed I feel to have them for daughters.



Kate's first birthday was a beautiful, blue sky day filled with all of our best friends, four of her grandparents and even her cousins from Youngstown. Sidewalk chalk, a pinata, bubbles, cake and even a 'bouncy thing' from Grandma. It couldn't have been a more perfect day. I wish I could give a day like that to every single child on their birthday.

Ella and Kate's "Papa" and Daddy built them a swingset a few weeks ago. Their daddy made this at the foot of the ladder that leads up the slide. When I first saw it, I knew that I'd look at it years from now and remember how sweet and excited they were to have this giant new toy on their backyard. It's such a symbol of childhood. I have a feeling that long after the swingset itself is gone, this slab of cement will find a permanent place somewhere inside my home. Forever.

Forever friends

So I'd be remiss if I didn't say that the other reason I started this blog was my friend Cathy.

She came into my life in 1997, back at the very beginning of those in between years. I was heartbroken and raw....ever wearing my heart on my sleeve. Desperately seeking my place in the world. I found sweet smiling Cathy at my first ever job after college.

She was there to laugh deliriously with me through every one of my nightmarish blind dates. I still smile and burst out in laughter, just hearing her contagious giggly laugh in the back of my mind. And she was also there, banging on the door of my second-story apartment to force me to go out in the evening instead of staying inside and sleeping the entire weekend away in sorrow.

She's one of the many reasons I'm now so grateful for those in between years. I could never have made friends like Cathy during a regular happy time. We wouldn't have had the chance to test our friendship with tears. Or quite that kind of laughter.

Cathy knows my heart inside and out. So a few months ago, she sent me a blogpost from a fabulous woman ... Kelle Hampton... and told me she might be my long lost sister. One of the best compliments I've ever been given. Kelle's blog makes me smile and cry and want to celebrate life.

So thank you to sweet Cathy for sending me the link that inspired me to start a blog about my very grateful life. And for being such a wonderful, laughable, ever-reliable, beautiful, funny, forever friend.

Grateful Time of Life

I remember back when high school was coming to an end, wondering if life was all down hill from there. Which is really really funny, considering I now look back on high school as a not-so-pleasant experience.

Then all throughout college, and especially as my senior year drew to a close, I wondered how the future could possibly be as fun and fulfilling and utterly fantastic as the past four years of my life.

Then there were the in-between years. Those awful handful of years in between college and when I met the love of my life. When I look back on them, I just remember a lot of crying and sadness and self doubt. A lot of tearful journal entries, tearful prayers, crying myself to sleep. But even then, I remember writing in my journal that I was thankful for being lonely and sad and doubtful. Because I remember believing, right down to my very soul, that it was those really sad times that would make me feel so grateful when I finally found my way.

And now I'm here. I am married to this wonderful man who I adore. Who totally gets me. Loves me. Never judges me. Accepts me as I am. Laughs at me when I'm being ridiculous. He's my biggest fan. And makes me want to be a better person. Back in those sad days, I didn't even know how to imagine finding someone who's this perfect for me.

And we have these two beautiful, sweet, darling, joyful, amazing little girls. They are our everything. They're my very heart and soul. They make these years the best of my life. More fun than any college toga party. More fulfilling than any accomplishment or award.

I am filled with gratitude from my head to my toes. And I started this blog, not even thinking about who'll ever read it, just so I can have an easy place to express just how grateful I am for this wonderful life.