Giving thanks for my biggest little blessings

(I just found this unpublished Thansksgiving post....better late than never!)

It's funny...how Thanksgiving takes on a whole new meaning once you have kids. We spent Thanksgiving Day in Columbus, away from my family in Youngstown. And while it was a nice and relaxing day, I missed all of the action. The running from my mom's house to my dad's side of the family. Watching my mom bustle around the kitchen, preparing way more food than we'd ever need...taking on aggressive and challenging recipes, constantly lamenting that the turkey wouldn't be done in time.

But being away from my extended family oddly made me think more this year about what I'm thankful for. And of course, I immediately thought about our two little girls. How blessed and fortunate we are that they are such healthy, sweet, happy little girls. And then I started thinking about last year. And how much they've grown and changed in just a year.



Case in point.

Chris and I tell the girls we love them all the time.

And I do mean, all the time.

We tell them when they wake up in the morning. Every time they do something sweet, funny or adorable...which ends up being several times a day. Every time we leave the house, and of course every night at bedtime.

So it shouldn't have surprised me when, a week or so ago, Ella started telling me "I love you, Mommy," all by herself, throughout the day, even when I hadn't just said it myself.

And she says it so sweetly and so sincerely....often walking over to me, holding my face in between her little hands, puckering up and kissing me, very carefully, in a very specific and intentional location...usually my forehead, cheek or lips.

Sometimes she even adds a 'really...' "I really lub you, Mommy. You know dat?"

She reminds me every day that she's a little person, not a baby....and she's developing such an amazing personality. One with so much depth and sweetness. And she's only 2 and a half.

She's developing so quickly. The other day, I found her turning the pages of a book, reciting what was happening on each page -- based not just on the images, but also on her memory of the handful of times I'd read her the story before.

I know these experiences may be common among pre-schoolers. But they're all new and beautiful and wonderful to me. And I savor every one.


And Kate. Oh, Kate. She's so stinking cute. Our doctor warned me that her speech might not develop as quickly as Ella's. And that's understandable. I still can't believe how developed Ella's vocabulary is...her knowledge of idioms and large or unusual words, in exactly the right context.
Oddly, I'm almost happy Kate's language skills are developing a little more slowly. It allows me to feel like I'm keeping her 'small' for a longer period of time.

"Ap-paw" (apple); "Bankie and binkie" (blankie and binkie). "Boppy" (for her second favorite stuffed animal, puppy)...many animal sounds....Daddy, Mommy, Nana, "Ma," "Gam" and if she tries very hard, "Gam-ma," for Grandma. She's starting to repeat more words intelligibly, but mostly, she wanders around speaking her own Kate gibberish that we absolutely adore.


We affectionately call her 'destructo,' because her favorite pasttime is dis-assembling and otherwise destroying things. 10 times a day, she empties my tupperware cupboard onto the floor. In the playroom, she takes every single item she can find (wooden playfood, bracelets, play people)...and immediately takes it to the exact opposite location in the playroom. She throws all of her food on the floor; but won't let us feed her.

Yes, I do get frustrated from time to time. Like when I spend an hour scrubbing the floor only to see Kate smash peas all over it, ten minutes later. But mostly, I'm very aware that these moments are fleeting and that I'll all to soon be lamenting that my chattering Kate is speaking in full sentences, telling me she loves me out of the blue, reading stories aloud and walking herself to time out.

So this past Thanksgiving -- like all those to come -- I'm most grateful for the gift of being part of these beautiful, fleeting moments in the lives of these blessed, darling little girls.

Live and learn

A few nights ago, I was out to dinner with my very best friends from college.

These ladies are all gorgeous. It's kind of like a fashion show every time I see them, they always look so cute. They make me laugh. They let me make them laugh. I can completely be myself around them. But best of all, they're all really good people. And really, really great moms.

Some of them are stay-at-home moms (or as one of my teacher friends corrected me...they work inside the home)...while some work full time, outside the home. Two of us work part-time, outside the home.

Inside, outside, full time, part time. The one thing we all have in common is we all really, really LOVE our kids. And we really love being moms. Regardless of our work situations, motherhood is a major way we all define ourselves. And motherhood seems to bring each of us a whole lot of joy.

We all had pretty fantastic college experiences. And while we wouldn't take those years back, most of us wouldn't go back. Because we love this part of lives so very much. And most of us wouldn't change a thing about our current lives as a result. At least not anything important.

Which got me thinking....when exactly did I decide I wanted to be a mom?

I always knew I wanted to be married with kids. But when I was younger, in high school and even in college, I was more focused on finding 'the love of my life...' this passionate romantic love that I was certain I desperately needed in order to be happy.

Trouble was, my definition (back then) of 'passionate romantic love' wasn't really all that healthy. I was focused exclusively on butterflies in the stomach and how many compliments my betrothed would bestow upon me. I was obsessed with the whole concept of 'forever...' and remember driving myself crazy trying to understand how anyone could possibly be absolutely certain that they could love just ONE boy (man) for the REST OF THEIR LIVES. The concept, while attractive, seemed completely unrealistic and unattainable to me. Kids were an important part of the future I was envisioning back then. But the 'kids' part of the future was blurred because my sole focus was on finding this idealized version of romantic love.

In high school and college, and even in my early 20s, I was also very focused on the idea of 'career.' Of 'having it all,' whatever that means. I even remember having a passionate debate with the (fantastic, wonderful, amazing) mom of my high school boyfriend about the whole idea of working moms. For whatever reason, I was convinced that moms 'should' work outside the home, I thought women would be selling themselves short if they stayed at home to care for their kids. I have a pit in my stomach, even now, remembering the look on her face. My teenage debate had brought tears to this incredibly strong, generous, very smart woman's eyes. As soon as I saw them, I stopped talking. I immediately knew I had said something that hurt this 'stay at home mom' very deeply. But I really didn't understand why she was so upset.

Now, at age 35, a mom of two amazing little girls who happens to work outside the home part time, I get it.

Kids. Well, back then, I knew I wanted them, but they were more a part of some pretty picture of the perfect future life I was trying to paint for myself.

As I got closer to 30, I got increasingly bored with going out to bars or parties or other social functions on Friday and Saturday nights. Bored being a workaholic. Bored trying to climb some professional ladder of success...especially when I realized that I wasn't too inspired for where that ladder would take me.

My desire to have children grew greater and greater, the older I got...until a certain point, where a reality hit me. Being a mom wasn't a guarantee. It wasn't a God-given right. It was a rare privilege. One that might pass me by.

I found Chris, and finally found 'true love....' a kind that was far more fulfilling and real and reaffirming than whatever I was seeking years before. The idea of being a mom grew even more important as I got engaged, got married. And now, I'm almost afraid at how much I love being a mom. How much joy it brings me. How much this love defines me...who I am...and who I want to be.

It's hard to even remember a time when this love didn't define me. Even though I've only had my girls for two and a half short years. My life is divided between 'before' Kate and Ella. And 'after' Kate and Ella. And man, I sooo prefer the after.

I guess the point is that, working inside the home or outside the home, full time or part time, all (good) moms probably question themselves. Like my high school boyfriend's fabulous mom, I think some of my friends who work 'inside the home' wonder what they'll do as their kids get older. They probably miss getting dressed for work some mornings, or making 'their own' money or even just having conversations with grown ups in the course of the day.

My friends who work outside the home? Well, full time or part time, we're constantly plagued with questions and self doubt too. Are we missing too many of the most precious moments of our lives? What does it mean...that other people...nannies, day care providers, family members, sometimes spend more time with our children than we do, in the course of any given weekday? Will we regret this when they're older? Will we wish that we would have made due with less 'belongings,' fewer vacations, a smaller home...so we could spend more of these precious years at home with our children?

I guess those are the nerves I hit with my over-opinionated, underinformed 'debate' with my high school boyfriend's mom, so many years ago.

And I'm guessing that, regardless of which path each of us takes, we'll always question some of our choices. We'll always wonder if we made the best choices for ourselves and more importantly, for our children.

But -- thinking back to the faces that surround me at the table, every time I get the privilege of hanging out with my BFF's from college, I realize -- there really aren't any absolute answers to any of those questions.

From my perspective, just the fact that we ask those questions...just the fact that we're constantly asking questions that will help us make healthy decisions for our kids and ourselves....well, that's enough.

Every one of the beautiful faces around that birthday table is an incredible, loving, attentive mom. And as long as our love for our children guides most of our decisions, well, I'm pretty sure that inside, outside, part time or full time, we'll all look back at these very precious years of our lives with a great deal of affection and tenderness and gratitude.

We'll live and learn...about these amazing journeys, and amazing little lives, we've been given. And until that time, which I know will come way faster than I want it to, I'll be very grateful, here and now, for having such fantastic friends and fellow moms to learn from.
___________

Now....for those of you who were trying to envision my little 'Stage Stars' from my last post....here are some photos of the girls re-enacting the Poison Apple scene from Snow White, at another Halloween costume party.





And before I sign off, here are Ella and Kate in their "Team Greyson" t-shirts, designed by my fabulous sister-in-law Brittany, as part of her phenomenal fundraising effort for the Tuberous Sclerosis Alliance. Her son (our nephew) Greyson, who's one month younger than Ella, has Tubersclerosis, which gives him seizures, enlarged the little guy's kidneys and caused him several other health issues. Brittany works inside the home, caring for Grey in a quite inspiring way. And she runs a fab party planning business, GreyGreyDesigns (www.greygreydesigns.com), on the side. She's just one of the incredible moms who makes me want to be a better person, and a better mom, every time I think of her.

She raised more than $5,000 for Tubersclerosis -- more than any other family that participated in the "Step Forward to Cure TSC" in Tennessee.

Ella + Kate say: You rock, Aunt Brit!

Stage Star

So every time I think Ella can't possibly surprise me any more....she does.

We went to Youngstown for the long weekend; and our long list of Fall activiites included a Costume Party in the very beautiful Mill Creek Park.

Ella, dressed in her Snow White costume; and Kate, dressed in her Happy the Derf costume, patiently, patiently, patiently waited in a very long line for their turn to walk onto the very big, lit stage to show off their costumes.

With no prodding at all, Ella walked across the stage and right up to the four judges. She looked them in the eyes. She smiled. She took the red apple my mom had given her as a prop. She pretended to bite it. And she fell to the ground; reenacting the "Poison Apple" scene that she and Kate have acted out a hundred times before.

The audience and judges bursted out in laughter and applause. Of course, Ella was the only child to have a routine to go along with her costume.

Happy the Derf was wandering around the stage, finger in her mouth, smiling and looking back and forth at the judges, to the audience, to her sissy, and to me. She ran over to awake Snow White with a kiss....but didn't follow all the way through. So my mom had to bend down and kiss Ella in order to awake the princess.

These were easily among my favorite all time moments of my life.

I don't have video of the whole experience, because I had no idea to expect such a performance! But the images will live, very clearly, in my memory, for the rest of my life.

The perfect weekend

I love the change of seasons. Well, except for when Fall turns into Winter. I really don't dig winter; other than maybe the first and second real snowfalls.

But oh, how I love fall.

And just as Ella and Kate amplify and multiply my love of everything in life, they also amplify my love of fall.

Last weekend, my mom came into town and we went to the Pumpkin Patch not once, but twice. Even though it was cold and gray and rainy. The girls didn't mind; and happily played in the sandbox filled with corn for what seemed like hours.





This weekend, oh, this weekend...it was so, so perfect.

It started on Thursday night...when I got home from work and played in the leaves with the girls for a few hours. A prelude to what was to come.



Friday morning, when, still in the extra big sweatpants and tank top (in which I had slept the night before); no make up and hair in a ball on top of my head, I schlepped the girls out into the front yard with the little pumpkins they had chosen last weekend at the patch. I carefully placed them both on a yellow gingham oil cloth with lots of paints and brushes. And they painted their pumpkins as I slowly sipped my coffee.



Well, Kate painted her legs, arms and mouth moreso than the pumpkins. But it was a fun time nonetheless.



I carried Kate upstairs, kicking and screaming, to the bath, followed by Ella who dutifully walked up the stairs with her hands in the air; so she wouldn't get paint on the walls. After bathtime, Kate took a nap...and we waited for her to awake so we could go to the zoo.

Ooooh, Fall at the zoo is such a glorious thing. I heart it. Totally.

We didn't get there til 3 and it closed at 5 but it was a lovely two hours visiting the Polar Bears, riding the train and playing on the new Polar Bear playground. Yes, I think the best part was watching them walk around in their cowboy boots.







Friday night, I had to go to Kroger to get milk for Kate. And came home with the giant mums I've been desperately needing since fall arrived. Finally, the front porch is properly decorated for my favorite season. Even if I had to do it at 11 pm at night.



Saturday we spent some time outside; I had to go to church to volunteer and Chris took the girls to the Buckeye game. Later that night, we carved pumpkins on the back porch. I must admit, I thought the girls would love pulling all the goop out. They did not. They were amused for about 3 minutes and then Chris and I were left to try to finish our carvings while chasing them around the yard as they happily cavorted, without pants or shoes, on the billions of leaves and needles that cover every square inch of our yard.

Sunday brought a glorious return to the pumpkin patch.



Bright blue skies, all the trees turning colors. Tractor rides, more time in the corn sandbox.





Just glorious. The only way I could've enjoyed it more would be if the girls would've stood still for just ONE photo together; so I wouldn't have had to spend the entire time taking 5,000 photos, just waiting for one of both of their faces, together!







We came home and I went to a lovely, lovely baby shower. Drank three delicious mimosas followed by three much needed cups of sobering coffee. And returned home to spend three hours raking leaves with Chris' friend Rob and his son Cody. (Chris has been turned into a gimp with two torn achilles tendons.) Ella and Kate frollicked in the leaves, slipping down the slide into a huge pile of leaves and needles that Chris had raked for them to jump into. Raking leaves didn't even seem like torture; because I got to spend the time watching the girls enjoy my favorite season.

And I felt almost drunk with the joy of finally seeing a front and back yard that weren't embarrassingly covered with leaves and pine needles. So joyful, that I bravely gave the girls their first-ever smores later that evening. Needless to say, Kate was almost crazed with her love of the gooey chocolatey goodness.





Also needless to say, my leaf-less yard joy was short lived, when I awoke this morning to see the yard covered yet again. But it was nice while it lasted.

And then, today! The last day of our extended weekend. Started out going to a Halloween Party at a DARLING photography studio in the Short North. Ella in her Snow White costume. Kate as Happy the 'derf,' we had a grand time.





Ella wore her plastic Snow White high heels. God bless her, Kate wore her hat and beard almost the entire time. Daddy and Nana joined us. They sang songs and colored and played games and had an all around grand time. And I just loved watching them.





Home to lunch and more time outside, under blue skies with crunching leaves under our feet, followed by a long, long fall nap.

Such a perfect, lovely fall weekend. I didn't even mind doing my obligatory 4 loads of weekly laundry, or picking up all the same toys for the 7th time at the end of the day. Or cleaning tiny pieces of Kate's fried bologna sandwich of the kitchen floor. I didn't even mind when our TV just spontaneously shut down as I was typing this post.

Because it's fall and I have two adorable, precious, healthy little girls. And I couldn't be more grateful for this perfect weekend and this really, really happy life.

Life as I know it

So I haven't blogged in what seems like forever. And today, when I got back to reading my favorite blog, KelleHampton.com, I realized why.

Kelle was writing about how she's found her voice again; because she so often holds back on her blog, not wanting to offend anyone.

Now, she's talking mostly about very real issues -- her darling baby girl has Down's Syndrome -- and she sometimes finds it hard to write how her heart feels about that, for fear she'll offend one of her 2 million readers.

And I kind of laughed to myself, because I haven't blogged because I'm always thinking...'what if someone sees this and thinks I'm crazy?' or what if someone gets mad?

And i laughed, reading Kelle's blog, because I have a total of 3 followers so I'm pretty sure I'm really the only one even reading my own blog. Suffice it to say that chances are slim that there's anyone out there reading this to even offend.

So here it goes.

I really do spend the vast majority of my time eating, drinking, breathing and dreaming about my girls. I'm totally in love with them. I'm so obsessed with taking photos of them that I sometimes need to remind myself to put the camera away and just 'be' with them.

Ella is so smart. So bright and insightful. She is very sensitive -- but in a beautiful, fabulous, bold kind of way. She's 2 and a half. And when we speak to her in a stern voice -- usually because she's doing something she shouldn't do -- she breaks into tears...a devastated look of heartbreak on her face. But the sadness is always mixed with irreverence. "You hoit my feedings, Mommy. You not talk to yo da-tur like dat!" she exclaims. I really, really love that in the midst of her feelings hurting, she first and foremost stands up for herself and tells the offender to stop it.

And Kate. Oh, sweet Kate. She still, thankfully, speaks in baby talk. I hate admitting it, but I kind of like it. Her broken baby English. Just a word or two at a time. "One, two, free," as she goes down the slide. "Here go," as she hands me something, mimicking the way I say "here you go" a thousand times a day. "Dank you!" every time you give her ANYTHING or do ANYTHING for her. She even says it when I change her diaper.

My heart swells with love for them. And it's in large part because I feel so blessed to have them in my life that I feel the need to do something to physically demonstrate how grateful I am.

One of the things I do is especially volunteer for an organization called Gracehaven, which is seeking to open Ohio's first shelter for girls who have been victims of domestic minor sex trafficking. Put more clearly, Gracehaven wants to open a shelter for girls who have been sold for sex. Even typing those words, my stomach gets sick.

The upside of volunteering is that I get some sort of relief from guilt. The guilt I almost always feel for living what I feel is such an incredibly blessed life.

I had a mom who always loved and provided for me. Many, many family members who made me the center of their lives. Good schools. Great teachers. Never had a family member or any adult abuse me. Got to go to college. Have great, wonderful friends. An incredible, loving, supportive husband. A nice house and a good job. A healthy family. And most of all, two beautiful, healthy daughters.

I'm very grateful for this amazing life. Life as I know it is pretty amazing.

The thing is, I just don't understand why I get to live this particular life. More importantly, I really, really don't understand why I get to have it this good; while there are so many millions of people and children in the world who don't.

Which brings me to the downside of volunteering for any organization that meaningfully serves any really, really deserving group of people.

My heart aches. A lot.

I read stories of little girls who are forced into sex trafficking. And I immediately think of Ella and Kate. These sweet, innocent, sensitive, gentle, beautiful, delicate, precious souls. And my stomach turns and a lump forms in my throat as I think about all of the equally precious little girls right here in Ohio, and around the world, who don't have mommies and daddies to protect them from something as horrific as sex trafficking.

These thoughts can be all consuming. They can start to suck all of the joy out of these every day moments I love spending with my girls.

And in those moments. Moments like I'm experiencing right this second, I find myself realizing that I have no other choice than to look up to God and tell Him that I don't get it. I don't get why I have this charmed life; while so many millions of His children are abused, or in pain, or sick, or alone.

I realize that all I can do is be grateful, every day, for this life as I know it. And ask God to use me...use me to do His work here on earth. Ask God to help me stop Facebooking in my free time; stop spending so much time and thought and money on things like hair cuts and pedicures and whatver crafty things I can find on Etsy.com. And use whatever gifts He has given me, and whatever extra time I have on this earth, to bring some sort of help or kindness or relief to as many people in need as I can.

I know I'm not Mother Theresa. I never will be that selfless or generous or completely, utterly amazing.

But with God's help, maybe I can use this beautiful life I've been given to make the lives of some other really, really deserving people just a little bit better.

If anyone out there really is reading this...and if any of those souls ever feel the same way I do...visit http://www.gracehavenhouse.org/donate/special_gift/

Read about Gracehaven and the work they're doing in the community. And if you feel so inclined, make a donation. They need to raise $500,000 before they can open the first and only shelter in Ohio for girls under the age of 18 who have been sold for sex. Without this house, these girls -- most of whom have been physically and sexually abused from a very, very young age -- will continue to suffer unspeakable violence with no escape. Because there is no where. No where. No where for them to go. No where for them to get the peace and healing they deserve.

Even if I do only have three followers. Maybe today my contribution, my demonstration of gratitude for this life I've been given, can be that I helped introduce three people to this amazing organization that is working so hard to bring peace and healing to some of the most deserving children in the world.

God bless.

Ella Bella Ballerina

So for as long as I can remember, I've wanted a little girl.

That God has blessed me with two amazing, beautiful, sweet, healthy little tiny girl people....well, it really blows me away. I really could not ask for more.

And oh, do I loooooooooove doing girly girl things with my Ella Bella and Kate the great. I was a little reluctant to enter Ella in ballet class because I thought 2 and a half was little too young.

To say I was wrong would be an understatement.

Ella LOVED ballet class. She listened to "Miss Jessica" from the moment she walked into the room. She performed every little 'exercise' Miss Jessica asked her to perform; and she did them all really, really well. With complete enthusiasm, complete attention. And utter enjoyment.





I felt guilty dressing Ella up like a ballerina girl and not Kate; so I bought Kate a matching outfit. She didn't protest against the legwarmers like Ella did.





Although she wouldn't give the cheesy poofs away to save her life, she loved ballet class too. She actually performed many of the exercises, without even being asked.



It was A...DORE...ABLE!

I smiled ear to ear the entire time. I called both Chris and my mom to report the play-by-play. And I live 4 minutes from the ballet studio.

Little tiny girls in leotards and bows and tutus; taking ballet class together; on what used to be a 'work' day?

I am in total bliss and I am so, so grateful for this wonderful life.

Can't wait to fall into fall

It's August. Just the sound of that word conjures images in my mind of sweat running down the back of my legs. Oppressive heat that makes me want to watch the sun shinig from the inside of my house.

But the last few days haven't seemed like August. They've seemed like Fall; or Indian Summer, at the very least. And I love it.

I keep forcing myself to keep putting summer dresses and summer jumpers on the girls. All I really want to do is put them in cable knit tights with matching hats and sweaters. I want to go pick out pumpkins at the pumpkin patch. Go on a hayride. See the girls jump in piles of leaves. I want to run out and find another pair of bright pink 'mary jane' rain boots for Kate; to match the ones I found for Ella. And then I want to put those boots on them every day. Even when it's not raining; just because they're so damn cute.

I've been obsessively thinking about Halloween. Already ordered their costumes. Ella will be Snow White and Kate will be Happy the dwarf. Yes, I feel a little guilty about dressing my beautiful little girl -- who happens to look exactly like Snow White -- like a dwarf. But the dwarf costume was just too sweet and funny and I just couldn't not buy it.

I love these Halloween costumes so much that I think I may have to have a little kids Halloween party this year. I need an excuse to see the girls all dressed up more than just one time.

I want to buy the apple flavored caramel latte from Caribou Coffee, on my way to take the girls to the park. I want to dress the girls up in their matching red-and-black pillow case dresses, in celebration of OSU game days. And when the weather gets even cooler, I can't wait to put turtle necks and black leggins under those dresses. And I'm really trying to fight the urge to buy them matching black, knit hats with big, red bows on them.

I've always loved the change of seasons. But with Ella and Kate, I get a different kind of excited. And I kind of love that the things that used to excite me about the change of seasons just don't matter all that much anymore.

Just a few years ago, I would've been excited about the excuse to buy new boots; a new fall coat; a new fall bag. I would've been sad that summer 'patio' season at the bars would soon be gone. This summer, I don't think I saw a single drink on a patio. And I honestly didn't miss it. And as much as I'll always love a new wardrobe, buying my own digs just doesn't compare to getting to buy a new season of clothes for the girls every few months.

Today was a beautiful, Indian Summer style day and I loved spending every second of it with Chris and my girls. I am so grateful to have had this weekend all to ourselves. A long, perfect trip to the zoo. Pony rides and the 'dumbo ride' and the boat ride and the carousel.








A Clippers game on Sunday night. Lots of playing outside.





I have a feeling that next year, my girls' little bodies won't fit so easily in the red, plastic Fred Flintstone car they love so much. That we might not need two 'baby swings' on the swingsets next year. My heart already aches to realize that their little legs will grow longer and leaner -- less chubby and squeezable -- in next year's shorts.



So I plan on enjoying every minute of these last few summer days with my girls.

Doafs and such

My girls love Snow White and the seven Dwarfs ("doafs," as Ella calls them). So my mom bought a tiny troll (knowing they'd think he was a dwarf) and stuck him in my flower bed. Kate now says hello to him every single time she walks past him.



It's never a 'hey, how ya doin,' casual kind of hello. It's a "Hiiiiii!" excited greeting, like it's the first time she's seen her best friend in years.



And yes, she blows kisses to him too.

I know my posts are backwards, since I just posted something about my love for Mondays. But, on Sunday, the girls woke up early. So I took them outside for a 'nature hunt.'





This consisted of Ella walking around picking up pine cones and leaves, with Kate following closely behind, painting her finger nails and teeth with her fake plastic nail polish bottle.



I love these girls to pieces. And I love Sunday mornings with them almost as I love my Monday ones.

Selfish Mondays

Oh, am I selfish with my Mondays with my girls.

I love them. I love Sunday night, knowing that I get one more day with my girls...and I get them all to myself.

I love waking up and not being rushed in the morning. I love getting to, in a light and easy, leisurely way, make them waffles (the leggo my eggo kind) and cut-up strawberries. I love being able to take the extra 5 minutes to make a syrup smile on Ella's waffle; and how excited she gets when I make the waffle grow long, brown syrup hair and a strawberry bow.

"Hoo-a (her) hay-a (hair) dis-a-pee-ad (disappeared), Mommy!" Ella exclaimed, as the waffle face slowly sucked up its strands of syrupy hair.

I love getting to laugh at Kate's obsession with throwing her breakfast on the floor, instead of getting frustrated and wondering if I'll have time to wipe the syrup off the floor before it dries.

Most of all, I love, love, love getting them packed up and taking them to the park. The 90 degree heat has kept us from our favorite park for weeks; but we returned today and Ella kicked her feet with glee as she exclaimed "I see it! I see it, Mommy! I see o-wa (our) paaaak (park.)

I love watching them have little pretend picnics with snacks, in the small pretend 'castle' and a the tiny picnic table under the playground bridge.







I love seeing them run and play and just be kids. I love the way Kate can happily sit in the baby swing for hours on end, if I let her.

Chris and I hosted an event tonight and I had to leave my girls for the evening, with a sitter. I felt sick to my stomach. I had to give up part of my Monday with them.

I promised Ella she could stay up til we got home. But were an hour late. I ran out of the car and into the house and up the stairs and she ran to me...."Mooommmmmyyyy! I waaaanted YOU, I waaaannted YOUUUUU." "I'm here, baby, I'm here." "You didn't come back!" "I did come back, baby, I'm here! I'm sorry I'm late. I'm sorry baby."

"I fo-give you, momma. I fo-give you."

I just kept telling her I loved her, as I laid down next to her in her big girl bed, still dressed in my heels and dress and chunky necklace.

She spoke with heavy eyes, in a sleepwalking-like-state and said "I love you too, Mommy. I love you, too."

So glad I got to see her sweet face before she went to sleep. And I can't wait to see our Kate Kate first thing in the morning.

For the first time in my life, I wish every day was a Monday.