Back on our 6th anniversary, I shared a list of reasons I love Chris Schumacher. He’s pretty awesome, so that list grows every year. To celebrate his 40th birthday, here are 40 life lessons I’ve learned from his first 40 years. Happy birthday, my love.
40. Whether it’s a man who’s literally on fire or a child who needs a meal, be the person who rushes to the aid of others, instead of the person who looks away. You’ll be amazed at how actions like that will magnify your own joy and love of life.
39. Judge Judy is awesome. She’s Chris’s favorite. He makes our girls watch Judge Judy so ‘they can learn what kind of boys to never date.’ She’ll teach you never to date a boy who asks you to pay for his cell phone, or to give him a loan, or to bail him out of jail; and to never pay for anything in cash and to always get receipts.
38. Follow through with the promises you make to yourself and to others. Chris always does what he says he’s going to do. He promised me on our wedding day that I’d never had to take the trash out. And 7 years later, by God, I never have. This man has never broken a promise to me, and I can’t recall a time he’s ever broke a promise he’s made to himself or someone else, either.
37. Ditch the drama. Drama is good for acting and great story telling. But as a regular fixture in a person’s life, it’s just draining. This single lesson alone has improved the quality of my life so significantly.
36. Do less talking. More listening. (OK, I still struggle with this one. But Chris is a master.) It’s one of many qualities that makes Chris a great friend and successful at work, too.
35. Assume positive intent and seek to see the good in others. Don’t make assumptions about the bad intentions of others. Like drama, it’s draining, it’s unproductive and it sucks the joy out of life. Plus, you know what happens when we ‘ass/u/me.’
34. Forgive easily and often. It’s the best way to unburden your heart, soul and mind so you can focus all three on happier, more inspiring things. I’ve known Chris for more than a decade and can’t think of a single grudge he’s held on to. It’s one of the reasons he’s one of the happiest, most content people I know.
33. Surround yourself by people who inspire you. If that means you need to make new friends, invite new people to join your team, get a new job or move to a new neighborhood, do it. You are all too often a reflection of those who surround you.
32. Think and act big. If your wife suggests making a $100 donation to an incredible orphanage in India, suggest instead that you sponsor a child at that orphanage for the entire year. Thinking and acting big…that’s how people make a real difference in the world. It’s also how they inspire others to do the same.
31. Be intentional. Whether you’re pursuing the girl you think may be the love of your life, or a new career, or a dream of serving others, do it passionately and with intention. It’s the only way to accomplish anything meaningful.
30. Laugh often, and make others laugh too. Chris makes me laugh every day, usually at myself. It’s one of the reason’s he’s so fun to be married to.
29. Be a good friend. Fly to Chicago for one of your best friend’s 40th birthdays. Make that trip to Memphis for the surprise birthday party for your younger brother. Be the guy other guys can talk to about that problem at home or work, because they know you’ll give them advice, if they ask for it, that encourages them to be their best possible self.
28. Be the change you want to see in the world, even when it’s socially hard. If that means being the only guy in the room to stand up and say ‘that’s not funny’ when another guy is telling a joke that demeans women, or prostitutes, or any other group, then do it. You can’t make a real difference in life if you’re not willing to take risks to do the right thing.
27. Do random, nice things for other people – especially for people who can do nothing directly ‘for’ you in return. Like stopping on the freeway to help a woman whose car broke down, then driving her to get it fixed, then giving her the money for the repairs…because your heart hurt to know she’d have to use two weeks of her McDonald’s paycheck just to be able to drive to work.
26. Be careful with money, but remember you can’t take it with you when you go. That means making sure you’re planning for retirement and education and weddings and other future stuff…while also using money to live a meaningful life and bring joy to others, today.
25. Put your heart out there. The reason I fell in love with Chris more than a decade ago is that he had the courage to say and write words that expressed his heart, without fear. That’s a brave and vulnerable quality all at the same time and it’s one of the reasons he’ll lead a life with few if any regrets.
24. Share your passions with others. There’s a lot to be said about humility. About quietly doing awesome things, every day. But there’s also a lot to be said for sharing your passions with others. Whether your passion is about growing your business or helping abused kids, you can inspire others by sharing your passions with others.
23. When you’re wrong, say you’re wrong, say you’re sorry, then move on. Everybody’s wrong sometimes. There’s power in admitting that, and in admitting when it happens to you. But there’s little point in beating yourself about mistakes or failures. Learn from it, make it right if you can, and move on.
22. There’s a difference between persistent tenacity and stubbornness. Pursue dreams with the former. But in arguments, debates, important relationships and in the face of change, forget the latter. Like drama, stubbornness will suck the joy right out of your life.
21. Keep old friends and make new ones. I love that Chris is still close with the first friends he ever made in Westerville, Ohio, in elementary school. I don’t get their inside jokes, but I love that they have them. Just like I love that the fact that Chris makes new friends EVERYWHERE he goes. Our Christmas card list is never-ending, because this man is a collector of friends and people. He has an open heart and an open mind and makes new friends that give him new perspectives on the world, at every phase of his life.
20. Be loyal. Always. I’ve never heard Chris say a bad word about a friend, a colleague or a person he cares about.
19. Don’t gossip. See #20. I’ve never heard Chris say anything about anyone, ever, that he wouldn’t be willing to say to that person’s face.
18. If you really love hot dogs, eat hot dogs. You only live once. But remember to work out with trainer extraordinaire, Ashley Quint afterward, so you can still be in better shape at 40 than you were at 16.
17. Be generous. You know that warm feeling you get when you put a dollar in the Salvation Army red kettle at Christmastime? Magnify that by about a million. That’s what you get in return when you use your money to serve others in bold ways.
16. Thank your parents. Tell them in person, and in written word, and in deed, how you feel about them. Make sure they know how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate them. You can even buy your mama an iPad or make your dad a scrapbook when they retire. Yes, you can make a scrapbook even if you’re a dude.
15. Poor fashion choices are a really bad reason to overlook a potential date. That’s right. When I met Chris, he had one pair of black dress pants from Meier (the grocery store), and once took me on a date wearing a khaki linen shirt with no collar and puffy pirate sleeves. Now he gets all his clothes from Nordstrom, has more button down dress shirts than anyone I know and even has a few pairs of ‘euro’ shoes and ‘euro’ pants. Personality traits usually don’t change. Fashion sense apparently can. And even if it doesn’t, it’s a really silly reason to miss out on a totally awesome person.
14. Be thoughtful. That girl you just met on Match.com yesterday, who you really liked? Send her a gift for her birthday, which is tomorrow, even though you’ve only met one time. That friend’s little boy who’s getting tests and procedures in the hospital? Send him that Lord of the Rings lego set to brighten is day. These little acts of thoughtfulness may win you the love of your life, or strengthen a friendship, or just make a little boy smile. The payoff is always worth it.
13. When you’re invited somewhere, go. You’re tired from working and it’s raining and you really just want to lay on the couch and watch TV? Chris gets it. But he always appreciates when people have the thoughtfulness or courtesy to invite him somewhere. And unless he absolutely cannot go, he always accepts. And he always shows up. And in doing so, he shows those around him respect. And that he cares.
12. Don’t let other people rain on your parade. Your opinionated wife thinks it’s a terrible idea to build a pergola inside your new office; and thinks it’s an even worse idea to install a grass carpet underneath it? If you’re super psyched about it, who cares? Do it anyway. Two outcomes are possible. Either she’ll be wrong and have to admit it (see #23) or she’ll be right, in which case you’ll be the one who has to live with it anyway.
11. Allow yourself to be inspired by others. Whether it’s a great idea from a business ‘competitor,’ or a story you hear on TV about an organization that’s making a difference in the lives of children, allow yourself to be inspired. And then act on that inspiration. And then give them credit for inspiring you. That’s how awesome things happen.
10. Value and honor the past but live in the present while planning for the future. This man literally has a watch that doesn’t have numbers on it. It just has ticking hands and the words “past, present, future.” He treasures fond memories of the past. Lets go of bad ones. He enjoys the present, always. But he’s so responsible, so committed to securing a future for his family, that part of his mind is always planning for a positive one.
9. Stop worrying. Chris is a pragmatic guy and sees zero point in worrying. He lives the example that “worrying doesn’t empty today of its troubles, it empties tomorrow of its strengths.” When Ella was very, very sick, getting tests in the Oncology ward at Children’s Hospital, Chris was strong and steady. He was caring, he was concerned. But he ‘worried’ as little as possible and encouraged me to do the same. Because we couldn’t be the parents Ella needed if we were consumed with worry. And worrying would’ve accomplished nothing.
8. Believe in others, and help others succeed. Whether that means starting a scholarship for future social workers who want to make the world a better place or helping a friend or client find a new job, do it. Emerson really knew what he was talking about when he said that “to know even one life breathed easier because you have lived, that is to have succeeded.”
7. Jealousy is pointless. So stop coveting whatever your friend or neighbor has. If you’re jealous of something someone else has, chances are you’re not as grateful as you should be for what you already have. And if you want something someone else has got, then see #31 and #11. Instead of being jealous, allow yourself to be inspired by what others have. Then be intentional. Create a plan and commit to achieving something that inspires you. I’ve never known Chris to be jealous of anyone, although I’ve seen him be inspired to do, create and achieve great things by the examples of others. Perspective is everything.
6. Remember that being without some of the things you ‘want’ is an essential part of being happy. Maybe that means driving the used car you bought 6+ years ago, and committing it to driving it til it reaches 200,000 miles, because even though you can ‘afford’ a new car, you know you don’t ‘need’ a new car. And because you like the idea of making yourself reach some financial or work or other goal before you ‘earn’ the right to by yourself that new car.
5. Don’t complain. I honestly cannot think of anything Chris Schumacher has complained about in the past 10 years. He may suggest ways something can be improved. But the man does not bitch. Maybe because he’s grateful by nature. Maybe it’s because he’s pragmatic and doesn’t see the point. Whatever the reason, it’s one of many qualities that make him a great guy to be around. He’ll never bring you down.
4. Listen to that still, soft voice inside you. It’s called your conscience, which I believe is God speaking to you. When it tells you to care about something, listen. Even if that means dedicating some Saturday nights to driving in a van in the wee hours of the morning a shady area of town with some social workers…with just the hope of bringing help and hope to women who are forced to make a living on the streets. Even if that means committing to the discipline of giving a greater amount of money away…every single year…to help those children in need … the ones God put on your heart. Whatever it means, do it. That still, soft voice is what makes you human, and it’s what keeps you real.
3. True wealth and true success have nothing to do with money, social standing or titles. They have everything to do with how you treat others (especially children; and people who can do little ‘for’ you), the life choices you make, the experiences you create, and the way you respond to life’s challenges. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world because by those measures, I know few people who are as ‘wealthy and successful’ as Chris.
2. Dads…can be…awesome. I didn’t grow up in the same house as my dad, and he hasn’t talked to me in about a decade. I’m not sure I ever really had an appreciation for the incredible impact a father’s love can have on a child, until I saw Chris with our girls. He’s everything a dad should be. He’s loving and caring. He’s involved. He never misses a special event. He never yells but he’s firm when he needs to be. He provides for their every need. He leads by example. He’s always their champion. He’s everything I never knew a dad could be.
1. Choose the right life partner. In college, I saw a poster that listed the top 10 “Secrets of Success.” #1 was “Marry the right person. This one choice is the single most important factor in determining your happiness or misery.” I couldn’t agree more. Every aspect of my life has improved exponentially since I met Chris Schumacher more than a decade ago. He’s made me a better person in every way. And his kindness, generosity, intelligence, determination, drive, passion and love have built a life I could never have even imagined before I met him. Happy 40th Birthday, Chris Schumacher. I can’t wait to spend the next 40 by your side.
