They were mostly thinking of my Columbus friends. My Ohio University BFFs who moved here (and thankfully stayed here) after graduation back in '97 and '98. And the 'newer' friends that I've been fortunate to collect; mostly from different places I've worked along the way.
And when I saw those wheels turning, I was reminded how fortunate I've been; to have had a number of different 'BFFs' at different times of my life. But there's a very special place in my heart, and life, for my very first best friend. Kate Bartell.
I often think of my school-age life as being separated into two chapters. Chapter 1: Before Kate. Chapter 2: After Kate.
We first met in the 3rd grade at Market Street Elementary School. I have pictures of Kate standing next to me at my 3rd and 4th grade birthday parties, thrown at the local roller rink. Then elementary school came to a close and were all spit up into 2 different middle schools. 5th and 6th grade? Well, they pretty much sucked for me.
I'll refrain from sharing the names of the offenders -- but man, did I get my fair share of cruelty and cold shoulders from a range of middle school Mean Girls. (Who later, for the record, mostly turned out to be kind, sweet, good natured adults.) I remember getting kicked in the shins at the lunch table until I agreed to get up and sit somewhere else. Having no one to play with at recess. Oh, the humanity of it all! Now, it's funny. Then, it was devastating. I remember wondering if I'd ever find my place in the hard-to-navigate world of middle school.
Then, in 6th grade, Kate Bartell transferred middle schools. We ended up sitting at the same table on her first day. She had a fancy, fabulous, turquoise, knee-length sweater and matching leggins, from one of the boutique kids' clothing stores in town. And it came with a matching, bedazzled whistle, which she wore around her neck. She blew it to demonstrate that it was not only fancy, but functional. Teachers decended upon our table to punish the culprit. I, ever the rule follower, promptly narked on Kate for being the literal whistle blower. I immediately felt my stomach sink, as she was ordered to stand at the front of the lunch room, by herself, for the remainder of the lunch period. Terrified that she, whom I was sure would be the coolest girl in school, would now hate me forever.
Fortunately, after a few angry looks, she forgave me. And as far as I remember, the rest was history.
She, our friend Jen, and I, were joined at the hip throughout 7th and 8th grade. They spent practically every summer night at my house for sleepovers. I loved her three older brothers. Her older sister. Her dad. Her mom. We listened to George Michael together. We rode our ten-speed bikes everywhere together. We tried to beg our way into local membership-only pools together. I couriered her around on my decade-old Peugot moped, and had 3rd degree burns on my calves to prove it. We ate Eastgate Pizza together. We went on summer vacations with Kate's family. Those were the only summer vacations I had as a child; and we lived for them. Had our first tastes of alcohol together. Attempted our first beer bongs together. Navigated the amusing and scary world of aggressive older boys together.
We went to school dances together. Commisserated over bad decisions together. Spent endless hours talking about 'the pit.' The term we created to describe that horrible guilty feeling we got in our gut, when we had done something terribly, terribly wrong. Like kiss another boy, or ride a motorcycle with another boy, when we already had a boyfriend. Or get caught throwing a party when our parents were out of town. Or get a ticket for reckless operation, the very first time we (OK, I) drove my friends somewhere.
I spent countless hours on the phone with a half-dozen of Kate's boyfriends and suitors. All hopelessly in love with Kate. All wanting my advice on how to win her affection. I swear, to this day, that every boy who ever dated Kate Bartell wanted to marry her.
But Kate Bartell was an elusive girl. She didn't know, back then, exactly what her future would hold. But even back then, she knew she wanted something different than our hometown, and most of her high school suitors, had to offer.
We both went to different colleges and eventually moved to different towns. And in the nearly two decades (yikes) since we graduated from Boardman High School, there've been a couple years here and there that have gone by without us seeing each other. Some have gone by without a single phone conversation.
As crazy as that seems to me, it probably seems crazier that I would still call her my best friend, after all the time and distance between us. But it's not crazy. Because she's Kate. She's my first friend. My forever friend. She played such an important role in my life, in shaping the person I became, in shaping my own self perception, during those scary and difficult preteen and teenage years. I can't imagine my childhood, or my life, without her.
So when Kate told me, more than a year ago, that she had finally said yes! That finally, after all these years, she had agreed to marry a suitor :-), her long-time love of about a half-a-decade, Doug Hughes, I was surprised and happy and excited, all at the same time.
After all those heart wrenching phone calls with all those childhood suitors, part of me thought Kate just might travel through life breaking hearts the rest of her life. But I knew, after meeting Doug just a handful of times, that if any guy in the world had a chance of being 'the one,'...of helping her create the life she imagined, he was that guy.
I had the honor of watching Kate marry Doug just a week ago in the Bahamas. And every detail of the wedding was perfect.
From the exchange of vows in a garden that was built to replicate Versailles...
to the stunning reception overlooking the bay....to the song that Doug wrote and sang to Kate (yes, for real)...with the world-famous jazz band they flew in from Chicago.
All of those details were memorable. But my favorite memory of the week was going to Kate's room immediately prior to the wedding. She was still in her robe, veil on. Hair and make up done. Opening a bottle of champagne. Smiling.
Her sister and nieces and some other friends were there. And I didn't detect even an ounce of hesitation or worry in Kate. My best friend, who had been adored and courted by so many boys, all of whom she had alluded, for so long -- since the 6th grade! -- was really tying the knot. And she was really, really ready for it. She was happy. And that made my heart very happy.
(For the record: "Tan Mom" is not my idol. I swear I wear SPF 15 or 30 on my face EVERY DAY. This ridiculous skin color is not a goal! I obviously need SPF 70, and to reapply 25 times daily. Or I'm going to look like an orange raisin forever.)
My daughters Kate (whom I named after Kate) and Ella were in awe of "Miss Kate" and her wedding. They took in every single detail. The flowers...
...meeting my high school friends -- all of whom looked completely, ridiculously, perfect...maybe even more gorgeous than high school (for real. It's not fair!)...
The dress. The first kiss. The music at the reception. The facy place settings.
Getting to have their first dance with a boy (our high school friend, Traci's, beautiful son). The bride + groom's first dance.
And I couldn't help but watch them, with all of their joy and excitement, and realize that I was only 4 years older than Ella when I first met Kate. It was a happy-and-sad reminder of how fast life happens.
These days, when I count my blessings, I too often count today's blessings. But it's easy to forget the thousands of blessings of my younger life. Before I really knew who I was, or what I wanted out of life, or who I wanted to be. When I think of blessings, Kate's friendship undoubtedly is one of the greatest of my childhood. I pray Ella and Kate are as blessed as I was -- to find a forever friend so young in life. And I'm so grateful to have had the blessing to be there to watch my forever friend start a new phase of her beautiful life with the guy who finally stole her heart.
Cheers to you, Kate + Doug. I adore you. Happy, happy life.
Love this! But Kate & Ella have already met their forever friend! They have each other! They may meet other friends that will stay with them forever but they will always be forever friends. At least that's how I feel about my sister. You've given them the best gift of all..a sister!
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